Whoop Whoop it's LENT! I overdosed on Dr. Pepper today in preparation for tomorrow. I'm not one of those Catholics who just "gives up" chocolate or in my case, soft drinks. Each year I try to be better at being Gwen. I try to do more, pray more and just become better at me. It's hard to pick your self apart and call yourself out on things that you're not good at. Every year I said I'll quit my bad mouth and I can honestly admit that I've done better since Claire was born, but still not nearly as wholesome as I could be.
Several years ago I received a devotional at church and each day I meditated on it and I read scripture. I blogged about what I was thinking and feeling each day. I gave up technology in terms of games and time wasting applications. It was wonderful. SO much has happened to me over the last year and so much is going to happen this year that I feel it almost necessary to journal/blog and spend even more time getting to know Jesus even better and building a better Gwen.
Here it goes.
Ash Wednesday is tomorrow, the start of Lent. As I begin this rediscovery process and get to know Jesus I'm asked to first ponder this point: Jesus wants you to carry on his work. Well, I hate to say it but DUH. I know I'm not here for me. I know I'm not here for anyone else. I know I'm here on this earth to spread the word, encourage people to be kind and generous and I'm here to serve him.
"Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness." Matthew 6:33
So how much IS the sheer busyness of your life preventing you from living the life God is calling you to live? With my recent life changes, which includes a job change, I've learned quite a lot about myself and have a different perspective on work and family. I see them differently. I am not changing my work ethic, I'm not changing how I feel about workplace dress code (I can be a little old school and harsh. What I am changing is the importance I place on work tasks and getting one more thing done versus being on time to pick up Claire from school and spending the full, focused 2 1/2 hours I get with her each evening. Now that Carey works shifts I get less time with him so when I have a few hours with him, I want that time to be all about our family.
God's plan as it's revealed becomes more and more clear to me. After the events and changes that have occurred over the last few months, I feel like I'm more trusting that I've ever been. I've been presented with a struggle and turmoil that I never knew existed or could exist for me. I've grown to understand that His promises ARE true. That everyone has a struggle and good things...no, great things, come from the struggles we experience. These things have really made me realize that I was too busy. I was too busy for my family, for my relationship with my husband, my God and myself. I've reconnected with my very impressionable 3 year old. I've reconnected with my sweetie pie boyfriend. HA. I had lost myself...I found her. I missed her - she is happy. My faith was restored and strengthened. I came to realize that it wasn't as strong as I thought it was. I learned how to really put Jesus first. I learned how to put God into EVERYTHING big and or small. He is such a powerful God that nothing really has size. I ask for big things, I ask for little things, I send little prayers to Him for everything. But always start my days and my prayers with "Thank You." I thank God for the struggle and for the tough times and especially ALL of the amazingly good things that I have in my life. I am so lucky and so blessed that I couldn't ask for anything more. BUT, God knows what weighs on our hearts and he knows what I want. So we have to just ask for it.
The busyness of life was preventing me from living the life God called me to live. It redirected my life. It changed my focus. The busyness brought me to a dark place. It also brought me to a brighter place.
I get up early everyday and I thank God for the day and a read my bible. Sometimes I read the actual bible but most of the time i use the Bible app on my phone. I highlight; I ponder; I share - sometimes I'm just still.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
"The Lord will fight for you, you need only to be still." Hebrews 14:14
Let the RE-discovery begin. I cannot wait. I'm, going to make this the BEST LENT EVER. I have a feeling I'm not going at it alone either... ;)
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