No Hiding, Just seeking

The thought of not hiding and only seeking is kind of sad isn't it?  But focus on the finding part of the game. When we find the person who is hiding, the one we are seeking, what Joy is also found. Now imagine if that Joy is magnified to an unimaginable number. It's almost too much to handle.  It's like a birthday party - the energy and happiness abound.  Hence we are to seek God first. To seek Him with our whole heart and He PROMISES us that He will be found by us. Not mentions, not directs (although at some points he does command us, Joshua 1:9 for example) but PROMISES  that if we seek Him wholeheartedly we will find him. It's a hard concept to truly wrap our small human minds around. When has a human being ever kept EVERY promise made to us? We can try and it can be our very best of intentions to keep those promises, but we are simply not capable. We are not God.

Romans 12:2 "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Technology is taking it's toll on participating in our own faith and I'm going to be honest here.  I'm not a bible scholar, I'm not a true "blogger," but what I am is an imperfect, fragile and needy human being.  I need to be a part of my own faith. God's plan for us is perfect, he wants us to prosper to grow to be successful and to find Him. It does without a doubt require our participation. We can just sit back and expect God to do everything. We have to commit to Him as he commits to us. He was a human being at one time. He was so only without sin.  He 100%, completely understands our struggle and our sin, it's just that he didn't follow through like we do. God is present in every single moment of our lives. Every: a. constituting each and all members of a group without exception, b. being all possible, c. being the highest degree or expression of (I like the last one).

I blog and read and journal so that I can remind myself what I need to do. I'm a sinner I admit, I sometimes have a very unclean mouth. The devil clearly knows my weaknesses. I know I can keep coming back to God for forgiveness.  I have to keep trying and trying, again and again to be better.  I have to share His word with others, there are certainly others struggling in the same way or maybe something different is affecting them, but they are in need of God's love and mercy. They need to have Faith in HIM!

It's easy to memorize scripture that means something to us, let's start now:

Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discourage, I will be with you wherever you go." 

Just a reminder that we must seek God with all of heart and faith in Him requires participation and cooperation.  We can't just go through the motions and talk the talk.  We have to - talk, walk and act! 

One more thing, my favorite verse, when Jeremiah is talking to those who were sent to Babylon from Jerusalem - ch 29:vs11 "For I know the thoughts that I have toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."  The two verses that follow are equally important.  Verse 12 and 13 ' "Then you will call upon Me, and I will listen to you.  And YOU will seek ME, when you search for Me with all of your heart."

I know you'll get tired of hearing that one, but it's my favorite.

It's all About Trust

The last several months have been a complete surprise, a whirlwind of change and emotions.  I've come to look forward to meeting with my therapist.  Yes, my therapist.  I was "assigned" one through our EAP program at Community Coffee. I said "our" as if I still work there. Old habits die hard, but it's not like I was in the habit for very long. One year and 3 months of service.  Had my husband not forced me or directed me to quit I would have had a breakdown for sure.  The last few weeks had gotten so out of control, spiralling in a way that I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop my mind from thinking about the huge "to do" list that lay ahead of me. I couldn't take the time or find time to sit down with my supervisor and say "I can't do all of this." What is most important? I know now, when and how that needs to be done if the situation arises. I realize now where my boundaries are and need to be so that this does not happen again.  There were a multitude of other variables that lead to the final decision to leave.  It wasn't something that came lightly.  In fact, it was so heavy it was almost immediate. I know I am missed...I missed a lot of people there too. This time was needed. I needed to refocus my faith and my time with my family. I needed to rethink the true importance of life. Filling the void of time during "unemployment" is difficult.  Finding a job is SO time consuming. I'm so thankful that he has blessed me with a strong work ethic, a hard working spirit, a friendly and helpful team member mentality and a brain - I really feel like I bring a whealth of different characteristics to an employer.  I hope that my most recent interviewer realizes that.

I KNOW God has this all worked out for me.  I"ve been reading my bible and the devotions and learning/being reminded that HIS plan is perfect and I have to trust in him.  Somtimes I have to just be still "and know that he is with me."  "...know that I am your God" he tells us.  "Do not worry about tomorrow.."

Continuously guarded by God. His Peace transcends ALL understanding.  I read somewhere that there are 365 mentions of trust in the bible.  365?  Do we think that is by mear chance and coincidence?  I think not. I need to pull out each and everyone of them and create my own devotional for people like me, people in the same spot as I am. I have two friends in fact who experienced a lot of what I did and are going through it now. I am surprised how many people didn't realize what was going on.

It was also a reminder that you never really know what is going on in someones life.  No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions.  There is always opportunity for growth.  I think this recruiting opportunity is just what I need.  I hope the Lord God thinks it's just for me too!  There are several things surrounding the opportunity that need to get ironed out, so hopefully the timing will be just enough.

Well...God's timing is perfect.  So nevermind on the just enough.  :)

Being at Peace

With the recent storm that occurred in my life I found myself saying on multiple occassions that my faith was being tested.  I was told by numerous people, friends, fellow Christians that what was happening in my life was the devil.

But like many I asked, why me? My faith isn't THAT strong.  The thing about faith is that it is a constant journey we Christians take and when we take and devote time to the Lord, leaning on Him for support, He will only feed that flame!  We are His friends and he wants us to LOVE Him easily and joyfully, as He loves us.

Someone said to me...you're not being tested.  This is God using you as  Testament of what faith is and should look like.  Jesus tells us all the time to "LEAN ON ME"  not just in times of struggle or grieving, but ALL of the time.  Even in the smallest of moments there is glorification of God.

A devotion a friend shared with me during this difficult time said the following (on the first day that she gave it to me)
  " But if from there you see the Lord your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul."  Deuteronomy 4:29

Key word for me there is ALL.  Not just a little bit, but ALL of our soul.  For us, little humans, that's very difficult.  He tells us He is watching us all times.  That He desires to be found by us and that He orchestrates the events of our lives with that purpose in mind.  His presence NEVER leaves us, so our thoughts should never leave Him either. This is so hard for me.  Even as I type this note I realize that I've stopped praying and reading my devotions to type this.  :(  The struggle is real folks.

The constant is that we can come back, again and again and again, with no regrets, no concerns, no I'm sorry's.  He is there waiting for us to acknowledge His CONSTANT presence in our lives and asks us to be at PEACE with reaching out to him and worshiping him. His face shines upon us and gives us peace.  Zephaniah 3:17

LOVE - it's something I do very well..I think so anyway!

I may not be the best at things.  I may not be hugely successful or famous, but one thing all of my friends, family and even acquaintances (altho who stays in that category for very long?) can say about me, is that I LOVE. I LOVE everything. I LOVE life. I LOVE people. I LOVE time with people and I do everything I can to help people. When I love them, I love them fiercely.  I love them wildly and I love them with all that I have. I LOVE the same way I work - HARD. I try to do for others everything I can and try to learn from them too. I always have the best intentions at heart.  And often to my detriment I trust too much, I share too much and to some people - I LOVE, just a little too much.  What I've learned both personally and professionally is that everything we do involves a relationship.  It involves a relationship with another imperfect, struggling, God-created human being. And so to those who say "is there anyone you don't know?"  and to others who say "do you have to talk to everybody here?"  I say YES - I think I do.  I remind them that relationships need nourishment and feeding. So everyday I will wake up, thank God for the day, thank Him for that energetic, overly friendly, too trusting, optimistically naive, amazing personality He has given me. What a GIFT. I will smile at everyone, wish everyone a great day (because it really is a GREAT day) and I will work on those relationships. So don't get annoyed with me, just smile and know that I'm simply and in my own way, nourishing our relationship. And although we may not cross paths everyday,  perhaps we've had our fights and disagreements and maybe we hurt each other indirectly, I understand we are human and we are forgiven and we can start over. So if in parting I say "I love you" or "love ya" or even just thanks, remember this: that is who I am.  That makes me - ME.  and I do LOVE you and I am THANKFUL.

(Footnote: Sometimes the struggle is real.  For me sometimes I struggle to not hug EVERYONE.)

To stare at a sleeping baby

I watched Claire's monitor for several minutes the other night.  She was sitting up in her bed.  She went back to bed on her own.  Precious angel.

Ashley Landry (Debbie and Kenneth Landry's daughter) and her husband Chris, lost their 19 month old baby on Monday.  They put him to bed a healthy baby boy and he didn't wake up (at least to my knowledge). I am heartbroken for them and am so worried about my baby girl.  We never know when God will need us or our family members, but death does not discriminate against age.

I need to say prayer for their family and ask God to hold them close as they grieve and hope He blesses them again soon with a new baby.  Not to take Cade's place but to share Cade's short life story.

Mom wanted to me to show this story to Carey but I know it won't help.  He didn't want ANY children, not sure he actually had a reason, but he compromised and now we have a perfectly healthy baby girl, a true blessing.  I can only ask God to open his heart for another child and hope that within the next year or so, that I can have another one.  And just one is enough.  I think I'm meant to have a baby boy.  :)

ANYTHING is possible with God right? YEAH, that's what I hear.

I know every story is different.  Every mother's tale is different.  I just hope that my story is only beginning with Claire and perhaps I can start a new chapter maybe Ari Michael Poche is in my future.

just one more hour in a day....

I'm thinking about what I would do with one more hour each day.  I left work at a reasonable hour today, and my goal (part of my resolutions for 2015) is to do the same tomorrow.

I didn't get to play with Peanut (Claire) for very long today but the little time during the evenings I do get with her are priceless.  Her latest vocal stylings include singing "let it go" from Frozen, or wanting to watch "summer" from frozen.  They also include her saying "hey you guys, look..." and then you never know what comes after that.  I'm never ceased to be amazed at how smart she is, although she hasn't quite mastered her colors yet, she's constantly asking questions, saying thank you and God Bless You when appropriate and she can even make the sign of the cross, which I hate to say...i brag often about.  I know Grandma Vivian is so proud when she sees that.  At least I am.

Her 2nd birthday is only two months away.  I can't believe and I know I've said it a million times already, but I just can't believe that she's growing this fast and she's as smart as she is. I'm so blessed, I prayed and prayed for this.

Thank God for that.  For answered prayers.