These are days, we Remember

A few days ago, my mom called me.  It was late afternoon and I was at work.  It was one of two things and since she had texted us a few days earlier to say that she was retiring, I was more sure it was something "not good" than I was that it was exciting, ground breaking news.

Dad has to go on dialysis. :(  Well that's not good.  I cried.  I cried at work.  That is one thing I'm not ashamed to do, cry at work I mean.  Then I got pissed, "it's not his fault" Mom said. "Yes it is," I replied.  "It is his fault, for not taking care of himself all of those years I asked him to."  Every since high school (almost 20 years now) I've asked him to stop smoking, to eat better, to exercise...all things that had he started 20 years ago, may have had some effect on how his health is today.

Every time Mom calls at a strange time I get nervous.  His health is fair and I'm honestly more concerned that Dad dies before Maw Maw does and then Mom will have to send Maw Maw into a nursing home. :(  That saddens me oh so much.  I want Mom to be able to enjoy her retirement and now she'll spend 3 - 4 days a week, 3 -4 hours a day perhaps taking care of daddy and the rest, taking care of her mother-in-law.  I would do that same for mine so I understand very much her wanting to take care of Maw Maw as much as and as best she can for as long as she can.  It just hurts me that she can't enjoy her life and be a little selfish with her time...time for herself.  That's the kind of woman she is and wife.  I hope I can be that good to Carey 35 years from now.

Dad will have a follow up appointment in a couple of months to determine the level/type of treatment he will need.  He's scared I think.  He's called twice over the last week and I haven't been able to talk to him very much.  I should call to check on him more often...I need to be better about that because I'll want to remember these stories/times we've shared when he's gone. We just don't know how long we have.

If we don't have plans on Sunday or Saturday evening, I may ask Carey to ride with me to Donaldsonville to see and spend time with Daddy...I'll see if Aidan and Alec want to come too - we can bring water baloons.  :)  They all (Claire, Aidan and Alec) love them.

My dad is the best...uniquely special...i.e. the best.  ;)

'til tomorrow.

Faith is

the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."  Hebrews 11:1

Nicole and I had a long conversation about this today.  It's not secret I have some "leads" on new job opportunities and I am pursuing those.  What is not known is the level of my interest in each and how serious I am in a change.  Hell, even I don't that.  ;) I've been praying a lot about it and lately I've been receiving and noticing many verses related to the Holy Spirit.  I don't think it's a coincidence at all.  I have faith that if I am meant to be in a different place (job) the right job will come my way, much the same way my current job found me.  I'm doing my part by "seeing" what these jobs are about and I'm trusting God will send the Holy Spirit to help me discern what I need to do. It's never a decision I've taken lightly.  I really enjoy my job and the people I work with are the best ever (nothing against my previous co-workers) I've just grown very attached to the people I've been around the last three years. I am a people person, so would you really expect anything different?

I had a crazy day.  I slept MUCH later than usual as we went out last night and Claire was at her Nana's house.  I skipped mass this morning with the intention to go this evening at 6pm.  I learned upon pulling up to the church that due to the church fair the 6pm service had been cancelled.  :(   I drove to MBS (my church parish) and was going to go to the adoration chapel for an hour only to find no one there and it locked.  I do not have the code to get in so I couldn't go. :(  I decided to sit on the benches and enjoy the nice weather and the breeze and say the Rosary, it was a lovely time to be alone with the Lord and in prayer and go through the Glorious mysteries.  I'm ashamed that i haven't said one in a long time and it was long overdue.

I enjoyed spending some (although not much) time with Carey and Claire today.  Love them both.  I did the important things - prayed, loved my baby girl and loved my husband.  Good day.  Loved a little on my sweet dog too.

I did manage to do two things over the last week that definitely put a point into my mother of the year scorecard:  almost let my daughter run into the street (because I wasn't paying attention to her) and forgot to put sunscreen on her before we spend the day outside.  Yes I haven't run so fast in a while as I did when I jumped up to grab her before she got to the sidewalk, so granted she wasn't actually THAT close to the street but my heart did race and sink to my toes as I watched her get closer to the road that she should EVER be.   YIKES.  I know she likes running towards the road down our own driveway which is much longer than her Parain's and Auntie Ms but still.  I have got to learn to pay more attention to her and then I just need in general to have sunscreen ready and available.  Louisiana sun is HOT and scorching.

It's late, time for bed.
PS -We leave for New York City in 20 days.....YIKES!!!!!!!!!!  I've got to lose several pounds so I can fit into this particular dress that I bought and couldn't return.  It's got sequins at the bottom so it's not like I just just bust up in a club with it on, it's for a special occasion like this trip.  I can do it.  I know I can.

My "Not-to-Do" List

I read about two sentences of a blog tonight and it said something about a "not-to-do" list.  I thought what a great concept.  Although I'm dressed to get on the treadmill because I NEED to get on the treadmill and lose 10lbs in 3 weeks, I am not because I've been watching the entire season of Scandal with Carey.  So check item #1 one off my "not-to-do" list.
      1. run on the treadmill
      2. have an evening snack
      3. work

I'll keep the list short, it's already 10:15 pm.  It's time to snuggle with my husband.  The one that after 5 years and almost 5 months, is still the love of my life.  He should be we've got forever to go and that's an awfully long time.

I have a sinus infection/cold or some crud that is kicking my butt.  I guess I'll listen to my husband and take the medicine he so lovingly stopped at CVS to get for me.  Hopefully it'll help me sleep, in fact I know it will.

I read quite a few blogs and I think, I'm creative, I'm funny (sometimes) why can't I think of some of this stuff...guess I'm not as funny as I think I am.

So my bog is titled a day in the life of Gwen...what happened today?

Carey left for work and I finished getting ready/dressed for work and then went to wake Claire up, like her father, she loves to sleep.  She wakes up, like her mother (Thank God), happy and with a smile on her face.  It's the best face you've ever seen, cutest thing in the world and although all Mom's say that (I know my Mom did ;) ), gosh darn it she is.  She laughed and tries to hide under her arm and crawl to the other side of the bed so I won't grab her.  It's funny.   I get her dressed, but a bow in her hair (No bow, no Go right?) and we head to the kitchen to finish making my coffee (Carey has turned on the Keurig, yes we're spoiled), Claire so sweetly leans a bit to her left and looks into the living room and says "Daddy?"  as if to say where are you daddy?  SHA BA BAE.  It was so cute.

I dropped her off at "school" which we love and she cried a little, but got sidetracked quickly (like her mother) and went on to playing with the toys.  I went on to work, 10 minutes late as usual (but I also stay late too) and went about my day.  Had breaking news that the COO's last day was in fact today, which I found out about 30 minutes prior to the mass email being sent out to the company...interesting and shortly after that a few ex-Amed employees texted me and vice versa with questions and confirmation that they already knew about it.  WOW, word does travel fast.  I don't enjoy seeing anyone lose their jobs but at the same time I believe we all have to remember why it is we go to work and do what we do.  I think he made some poor decisions and I think he also made some good ones.  I'm anxious to see/hear the details of the most recent change in our company.  May be like the JFK assassination...you never know and I'm sure there are a number of conspiracy theories going around about what is going on.  Lauren (Aicklen) was off today and I called her upon finding out and she says "Why does everything happen when I'm not there."  Poor darlin.  She's my bff at work.  I'm not sure she knows that another friend of hers put in her two weeks notice and is leaving.  It hasn't been announced yet but b/c we're in HR we sometimes and often times find out things long before most people do.  I'll update you tomorrow on what that is once I ask said person...she'll admit or open up then.

On another note I have several leads on job opportunities, all of which could be great for my HR career and possibly financially beneficial.  I'm not sure about what direction any of them are taking me but I do know I need to pray about them and I also need to chat with my boss about them.  I know she'll support me and that is both a blessing and a curse.  Everything happens for a reason.  It's just that everything is also happening so quickly at Amedisys.  Layoffs, closures, Bill leaves, KKR gets a seat on our Board of Directors, more people get canned, people are leaving left and right and now Patrick is gone.  We have no CEO or COO.  We need some HELP.

Amedisys helps so many families everyday, we do good work.  God will not let this company go down.  We, with Ronnie's help, will build it back up.  It'll just take some time.  I'm just not sure how much time we have.

Now, it's bed time.  Good Night.

If walls could talk...

they would probably say the reason my 13 month old is spoiled is because I am.  Spoiled, blessed, lucky...whatever adjective you used to describe the life that has so much or too much.  Claire is passed out right now.  I've laid her down on the couch beside me, taken off her socks and cut her toe nails and polished them.  She screams bloody murder when you touch her hands, feet, ears, eyes...anything.  She doesn't like you to touch her, except she gives sweet kisses and hugs.  I haven't put her to bed yet because I just want to look at her and love her.

I spent about 45 minutes today at Paula Manship YMCA ballpark with her walking up and down four steps (about 1ft 1/2 apart from each other).  We would walk up and then turn around and walk down. Repeat, repeat, and repeat.  One day I'll beg her to do that with me.  One day I hope she'll do the same with me, when I'm old that is.

 
Mother of the year here forgot to load on up with sunscreen...I'll remember next time. The best part of going to Alec's game today was watching his team lose by 1 run at the very end and see him walk/run off the field with a smile so big you would think he won the World Series.  He is just so happy and feels so lucky to be playing at all he doesn't care about winning and losing.  WOW, to have that attitude at age 9 when you are just starting to learn what a true competitive spirit is.  Claire was walking around babbling and "talking" to people - just like her mother does.  Michele mentioned today that Alec is a lot like me.   Love that kid.  He's got a precious little personality.  Hope he stays that sweet.  Wish I could/had the time to see he and Aidan more often.  Aidan is going to be taller than me very soon, yes it's not that difficult but it is happening.  Hell, Claire will be too, she is growing so fast.  I know that gets said a lot, just as much as "are you ready for #2?"

Are you ever ready? Probably not, didn't think I was ready for number one.  In fact I was more shocked and scared than Carey was.  He is not here.  He hasn't even seen Claire today.  He saw her long enough to kiss her before he left for work and when he got home he saw her long enough to say Hi and he went to Chad's.  Frustrating yes, I want nothing more than to spend every waking moment with Claire but if Carey was there too that would be the best moments of my life.  The two people I love most in the world and to have them together....A-MAZING.

On a side note, my email has been acting up and I spent like 30 minutes on the phone with a Cox representative who said everything was ok on there side and said it was a Mac issue.  Well I didn't go to the Apple store today b/c my email had started working again.  Carey's email is working just fine so it can't be a Mac issue, well it could be but we don't think it is.  I guess I need to try to go there tomorrow after the 14 birthday parties and the Easter Egg hunt we have tomorrow.  :)

Guess I need to put her to bed.  Love that kid.  Can't wait to see Carey - even though we were kind of grumpy when he left or before he left.

Where does the time go?

I have been on a Facebook hiatus since November 2013 (5 months) and it has been interesting. I can't believe how quickly the time has flown by.  It's fun to say "i'm not on Facebook" it's like saying "i don't have a cell phone" which I do, but it gets the crazy look.  I'm on dailymile, I log my coke rewards, I'm on LinkedIn, Pinterest, this blog, I have two email addresses, I Skype and FaceTime, I have a work laptop, a iPad mini, a regular iPad, a new Mac,  a lenovo - do I really need more tech in my life?  oh and we have an old Kindle.  I say old but it's probably only a few years old and now considered "old."

For Lent I used to give up Facebook and soft drinks.  This year that wasn't an option, I did give up soft drinks and I can't wait to have a fountain coke...:)  I gave up playing games on the phone/iPad and it's been a wonderful opportunity to spend time with Claire who, for only being one, is the smartest little bundle of joy I've ever had the opportunity to teach and educate and LOVE.  She's such a blessing to us.

A healthy girl that one.  I missed her falling asleep tonight...how sad.  I went to tan, b/c this white body of mine needs a little help/prep before bathing suit season really gets started.  I hate that I miss anything with her b/c you never know what she'll do or when she'll start something new.  She's a little comedian and just so entertaining.

I wish I could go back.  I wish I could go back to when she was just a tiny baby, completely dependent on me.  She's so independent now, wanting to do everything we do and do it on her own.  I regret not staying home a few more weeks even without pay, to just "spend" with her.  I'll never get that time back and it actually makes me very sad.  Which is why when she falls asleep in my arms now, I don't rush to put her down for the night.  I just want to hold her and squeeze her.  I want to squeeze her guts out, I always say.  Here she is at her first birthday party.  Little ham she is.

I wish I was a cannibal, b/c I want to eat my child.  But doesn't everyone? Is that unusual?  I ask my mom all the time if all Mom's think that their child/children is/are the most beautiful EVER.  She says yes, all mom's says that about their children...just not as much as I do.

...and that is the point when I tell my mother that, I just can't help it, b/c she is.  She is beautiful.  The funny thing about it is that she looks just like her daddy.  The other love of my life.   Crazy thing about love, it doesn't ever go away, it just keeps multiplying and in the cases of Carey and Claire - I'm so full of LOVE that I can't even contain myself.  There is nothing that could change that and I love that I love two people equally and differently at the same time.

What an amazing God we have that he created that emotion and allows us to love like that.

Gabe and Katie Crawford, along with the kitties, Mia and Libby, came over on March 23rd to spend the day and evening.  It was very exciting to see them and have them meet Claire.  I wish we lived closer together.  Libby enjoyed playing with the "girl" toys that we had.

While Mia enjoyed giving me a make over.  

 Katie was more excited to meet Claire than anyone...she messaged me a few days later saying that she missed her.

Here we just decided to put the largest bow we could find in Claire's hair...she's a cutie even like this. 

Claire is turning 13 months in two days, she's running around and has been since 10 1/2 months and she is finally saying Momma, like a normal child.  I have to admit it's nice to not be called "Daddy."  :)

Here she is giving Aunt Kim (Price) a kiss during her baby shower brunch we held at our house this weekend...or making the stink face as we like to call it.  She's a little stinker.