Goodbye Pedro

Saturday morning at 9:45, Carey, Pedro and I drove to Kleinpeter Vet Hospital.   I held his head, put his tongue (or tried) back into his little mouth and closed his eyes and said goodbye to my "first born" my "love dog" my "Pedro Buddy." I hope someone that looks like me and loves him like I do will be there to greet him and keep him company in heaven. I pray that this is the right thing for him and he will no longer suffer the anxiety he felt every time I left the house. Now only I will suffer the anxiety when I leave the house and can't say "goodbye buddy, have a good day, I love you and I'll be right back." Every single morning I'd tell him I'm going to work and I'll be right back. I love you Pedro, I hope you know how much. Goodbye Pedro Buddy.

Little things remind me of him, his Tiger is on the mantle, his doggie steps are still in front of our bed. I asked Carey not to move them yet b/c I'm not ready.  When I'm not thinking of him I feel like I'm neglecting him.  I try to think of when I was with him and did I let him know that I loved him enough.  Did he need me to be near him all of the time.  

Was I the best Mom I could be to him? I know we can always do better at things, but we have to trust that we did what we could while we had the chance.  We can't, I can't beat myself up over it. I know I made the right decision to put him down. He is happy now and he's not suffering, this way, I can never leave him, he can see me everyday.  

I LOVE YOU BUDDY...PEDRO BUDDY.  

Claire has asked a few times, "where's dedo?"  I told her he went to heaven with Jesus and she repeats it, it's so sweet.  I'm not sure when and or if I'll be ready for another dog. We just don't spend enough time at home to pay attention to him/her.

I literally feel an aching/pain in my heart for my sweet dog.  I just wish that I could rub my feet on his face one last time. Or let him lick my face cream off my face at night.  It's the only time he really licked me.  Friday night, he let me snuggle with him at the end of the bed all night.  He's never let me do that.  I think he knew what was coming, I think he was at peace, I pray and hope he is.  

I asked St. Francis, the patron Saint of animals, to be with him and take care of him.  I know he's enjoying the company of St. Francis and I hope Paw Paw Harvey is there to play with him as well. in fact I know He is.